Crashing Predicaments
Chapter 1
Dr. Weir explained to her, "Now Claudia, you can still drive but not for long periods. I would prefer you not to do a lot of walking. Possibly, you could walk to your mailbox and back each evening with your grandchild or your new German shepherd puppy that you told me your boyfriend bought you. Please do not pick up anything weighing over twenty pounds". Dr. Weir had continued his instructions to her. His attitude concerned Claudia because it made her feel even more ill than she had felt before he talked so openly to her. He said, "Also, I only want you to bend over carefully if you have to in order to pick up your pets. I insist you cut down your activities to a minimum."
Thinking back on her doctor's words, Claudia Richardson felt she had little or
no chance to be attractive now. She found it was especially hard at her age, to
find a decent man who would truly love her. After all, here she was at fifty
years old, sixty pounds overweight and a divorcee with a bad hip… not exactly
what a man hopes for in a woman.
Her physician's limitations came not long after her left hip began to
deteriorate. These particular limitations were handed out in order to decrease
the amount of pain she was experiencing.
Claudia, who was usually hyperactive, had been sad afterwards when she reflected
on her doctor's orders. She had made up her mind to be strong. Making the best
of her life, no matter what she had to do, was her resolve.
Lance Barrett had been her boyfriend for over six years. In 1994, she had
thought he was more of a prizewinner than she did now. She did not feel like
much of a prizewinner either since her health began failing. Her life seemed
lonely and not full of sincerity.
Tamara, her oldest daughter, who had just turned thirty, was married. Sandy, the
youngest daughter, twenty-five, still lived with their father. Both girls loved
their mother a great deal. They were sincere in taking an interest in their
mother's life. Nevertheless, at fifty years of age, Claudia felt she needed a
sincere man in her life as well. Lance did not fit that bill. She was positive
of that.
Although Lance was an unstable alcoholic, she felt he was the only one she would
be able to find. She questioned if he might be the only one who would want her
as a mate in her current physical condition.
Claudia could not complain much since Lance helped her purchase a washer and
dryer set and a beautiful camel colored couch to go on the wood-grain linoleum
floors in the living room. The television set Lance had given her on her last
birthday had shortly brightened her life. He was making payments on the items he
had purchased for her because she had a limited income from her monthly social
security disability check. Lance insisted on her charging so many other things
so she would have to take responsibility for the debts. He had begged her,
because of his bad credit, to agree to pay all the experiences. Lance did not
want Claudia to realize he was only pretending to do well just so he could
protect his credit from getting even worse. Maybe if she had thought all of this
through she would have realized he was not thinking of her. She would have known
he was thinking of himself... narcissistic it was called when someone only
thought of himself or herself.
The longer she and Lance were together, the more she noticed he drank too much.
The reality was that Lance had spent his last ten years as a binge alcoholic.
Lately, his disease had escalated to being a daily alcoholic. Lance knew Claudia
was not happy about his excessive drinking. He had made those famous promises
that he had 'taken his last drink.' He had tried to impress her by providing
material things.
Drinking to excess was not Lance's only problem. It never was the only problem
with an alcoholic. Other negatives came with that type of lifestyle. Lance,
drank constantly to the point of becoming belligerent, senseless and pointless
most of the time. Claudia knew enough to be suspicious of Lance because of his
drinking problem. However, knowing this, from time to time, she felt a need to
interrogate him. Her nagging him usually happened more on Friday and Saturday
nights than any other time.
Many times, she feared he would sneak out behind her back in order to buy the
very alcohol he had sworn off and to also buy some chewing tobacco. He was
convinced that the Wintergreen chew would cover his breath enough to conceal the
odor of the bourbon.
Lance did not realize Claudia could smell the booze. In fact, Claudia had
developed a second sense. Most of the time, she just knew when he was on his way
to a drunken stupor. She knew, once drunk, Lance would become short tempered,
loud and obnoxious. Although there was no actual physical proof lying around the
duplex, such as an empty bottle, she was still convinced he was drinking day and
night. Why was she sticking it through with him? Was she only staying until she
could know for sure that things would work out for them?
Claudia and Lance lived in a one-bedroom duplex, which he always referred to as,
'The Shoe Box.' Rent was cheap though, and at least it was somewhere to call
home.
"Why is it that I stay with him?" she had asked her older daughter
Tamara. Tamara was the person who Claudia turned to most, since she was the
eldest of her two daughters.
Tamara had answered her mother, "It could be because you believe you can
change him and strengthen your relationship. You believe deep down inside that
he will quit drinking like daddy did… cold turkey. Well mom, not everyone can
do that. You may have to break up long before that stage can even be an option.
You think about it. Make sure you are not just dreaming. Please face reality.
Know this man for what he really is instead of a make-believe-husband. Promise
me, alright?" This enlightening night had been a couple of weeks back.
Tamara's words were still ringing in her ears.
After a week had past and a couple of rueful fights later; Claudia found herself
still living with Lance. Looking in his direction (as he stared at the
television set,) Claudia began wondering if she could stand the situation much
longer. She remembered during her last doctor's visit, Sally (Dr. Weir's nurse)
met her in the bathroom and had seen her crying. Claudia then began recollecting
their conversation.
"Claudia, what is going on?" inquired Sally. "This is the third
time this month I've seen you so upset. Won't you tell me a little about what is
happening, and we see if talking about it might help."
Finally, Claudia had broken down and told someone other than her daughter about
the problems at home. Admitting to someone about Lance's drinking and about all
their fights had been hard.
"I'm so sorry Claudia. I didn't know," said Sally. "Come with me.
I have a telephone number for you to call so you can talk to someone who will
understand."
Claudia dried her eyes, wiped her face with cold water, and then wiped it with a
paper towel. Walking out of the bathroom, Claudia was hoping she had made the
right decision to tell someone else besides her daughter.
Sally gave the number to Claudia for the Alanon group and told her to give them
a call when she was ready.
Claudia's eyes continued to stay glued on Lance as she was thinking about
calling the group. Although she felt ashamed, because she had never been to a
big group meeting, she decided against it. She had hoped that she would be able
to deal with it without letting many strangers in on her personal life. Besides,
she felt that if she was to pick up the telephone and call that Lance might find
out and react strangely. She decided she would call later, when he was at work.
"Claudia, run me up to the 7-eleven so I can buy me some chew. I’m about
out of it and this way we won’t have to get out in the damp air to get some
more later on tonight," Lance rudely insisted, interrupting her
concentration.
"Why do you need more? What do you do, chew it like gum until the flavor is
gone and then throw it out?" asked Claudia calmly. "You just bought a
can last night."
"I need more because like I said, I am out! Come on and stop hounding
me," he yelled at her. "I just explained that to you, woman,"
Lance said with sarcasm. "Besides Claudia, I do chew it until the flavor is
gone, then I spit it out. That is why they call it chewing tobacco."
"Fine, let’s just go now and get it over with!" said Claudia in an
irritated state of mind.
Lance lost his driver’s license after way too many DWI‘s. Thus, having a
suspended driver's license meant him having to depend upon Claudia to drive him
everywhere. When he had to ask Claudia to take him somewhere, his teeth would
clench and his bottom jaw would appear tight. This body language, when he did
ask for a ride, caused Claudia fear for her wellbeing. The predicament was
causing a real crash in the relationship. Claudia felt her life was crashing
down upon her.
On their way to the store, Claudia spent her time driving and wondering why
Lance would not want to wait until later to go to the store. She believed he had
enough chew to last him until the next day at least, or, until morning.
Confrontation about the issue, however, was not a great idea. Claudia did not
want to make him even more upset. She decided not to nag him while they were in
the car. Screaming and driving safe surely did not mix well and she had plans to
go to the Alanon meeting after all.
When they arrived at the 7-eleven, quickly he opened the passenger door, and
jumped out. Lance said, "I’ll be back in a few minutes."
Without waiting for a response, Lance slammed the door of the brown beat-up
station wagon shut. Walking fast, he quickly disappeared inside the store
without even asking Claudia if she needed anything. As the minutes began to
pass, Claudia’s hip began to hurt and her patience wore thin.
"Why do I put up with Lance? After all these years, I have done nothing but
bend over backwards for him. I have driven him anywhere and everywhere that he
has needed and wanted to go. I have dealt with my pain so that he would not
worry about it, yet it feels as if he is still not happy." Claudia took a
deep breath and touched the passenger’s seat. "I just do not understand
it, and I don't think I ever will."
