Searching Myself

By paper, I am known to belong to one certain man.

For this man, who is currently in my life,

I had once loved him ever so dearly.

I would say, it was him who changed.

Now, as I ponder in my thoughts

To seek out the truth, I come to wonder,

If it is truly he who has changed

And not me!

The deeper I seek inside myself,

I see it to be, more me.

I then, ask myself "Why?" and "How?"

For a man whom I once loved so strongly,

Why doesn’t my heart rejoice in loving him?

How could my heart not feel

Destin to love him for eternity?

I’ve been forcing myself to feel the love

For him that I had once felt before.

But how much more longer do I have to continue on

Before I breakdown and walk out?

For if I do that,

I know it would hurt him worse.

I see and feel the love he has for me.

But why does he show it more strongly now?

Is it because I gave it my all, then, in showing him?

Where he did not!

Or, is it he can see,

How I have lost my love for him

And he holds on so strong

Because he knows I think about leaving?

I feel so empty anymore these days

Am I suppose to forget how I feel

And cater to all his needs?

Yet, he adds, "What about me?"